No One Can Make You Feel Anything

I currently have someone in my life who feels annoying to me. I don't see them often but, when I do, I immediately tense up. I'm not proud of it and I recognize that I've been seeing this situation through the lens of a victim.

"They are bothering me"

"They are causing me to feel annoyed"

"They shouldn't act this way"

"I'd be happy if they acted differently"

This perspective leaves me powerless. In this case, they would need to change who they are in order for me to be happy and if they never changed, I'd be permanently helpless around them. Luckily, that perspective isn't true.

The truth is, the other person is under no obligation to change who they are. They are 100% allowed to stay the same AND it's still possible for me to feel happy around them.

Why?

Because other people can't control my feelings. I only create my own feelings and my feelings are created from my thoughts.

The other person is technically neutral. They have no power to make me feel anything. What's happening is that I am choosing to have thoughts about them that create a feeling of annoyance (as seen above).

I can be in the same situation and choose any emotion I'd like to feel around them:

Neutral - "I'm in the presence of another human being"

Fascination- "It is amazing to see how they navigate the world"

Curiosity - "I wonder what life is like for them?

Open - "They are teaching me the skill of patience"

Empowered - "God is giving me an opportunity to show up as who I say I am. I will be kind, no matter how anyone else behaves"

Conscious Annoyance - "I will choose to feel annoyed and allow this emotion without self-judgment" (This would be in place of feeling like I am forced to be annoyed when they're around)

It takes work to train my brain to see another perspective, but the discomfort of shifting my thoughts is equal to the discomfort of feeling like a victim. So for now, thought work it is!